A Mother’s Love – Re: On Actions and Consequences

For the longest while, there has been a few viral videos of parents posting their methods of punishment on their children’s Facebook pages in response to said children’s actions while on the internet. “For a good time call- yuh modda for a cut-ass“. There have been different responses to this video. Some say that Trinidad and Tobago should move away from this sort of violence against her children. Such abuse can lead to a bleak future.

On the other hand, others say she deserved it. Her actions called for nothing less, since she as a 12 year old girl, posed for everybody and anybody to see her in her underwear and whatever. The response video posted by her family expressed as much, and we gather that much from the licks-video posted by her mother c/o her siblings.

My mother just got overly happy about it. ._.

In the video, you can see the frustration of the mother. She’s had to deal with this sort of behaviour from her daughter several times in the past, while at primary school. Now she’s a form 1 student, and her attitude and behaviour have worsened. This final act, posting sexually suggestive poses of herself on Facebook, just broke her mother. The woman wants better for her children than she got. They have access to education, food, a house to live in, computers and internet access for school. The mother does what she does to ensure that her children don’t have to sacrifice or suffer as much as she doing for them.

But in the video we see the fallout of the abuse of resources by a child, and the frustration of a mother after trying her best to ensure a better life for her children.

Honestly, I’m on the side that says the girl deserves it. I’m on the side saying that her actions had certain consequences. I’m on the side which says that she’s lucky her mother cared enough to punish her and nip her behaviour in the bud before some other, more serious consequence gets a chance to come out in the open.

What people fail to realise, is that there is a difference between getting licks for punishment and being physically abused. What determines physical abuse? What defines punishment by licks?

Physical abuse is any intentional and unwanted contact with you or something close to your body. Sometimes abusive behavior does not cause pain or even leave a bruise, but it’s still unhealthy. Examples of physical abuse are:

Scratching, punching, biting, strangling or kicking.Throwing something at you such as a phone, book, shoe or plate.Pulling your hair.Pushing or pulling you.Grabbing your clothing.Using a gun, knife, box cutter, bat, mace or other weapon.Smacking your bottom.Forcing you to have sex or perform a sexual act.Grabbing your face to make you look at them.Grabbing you to prevent you from leaving or to force you to go somewhere.

http://m.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse/what-is-physical-abuse

Punishment by licks- it’s really not as bad as many people make it out to be. Many parents today have been victims of true physical abuse at the hands of their parents and truly want something different for their own children. If a child gets licks, it’s honestly a last resort, and saved for the direst of offences. It’s not that every parent hits their children for every wrong. Some have embraced restricting use or access to certain luxuries and privileges. And for some, it’s worked. For others,  however, not so much.

And it seems that the latter is the case for Little Miss Viral Video.

But it seems she’s understood the error of her ways now, and understands what her mother was doing and why (links below) She’s embarrassed now, but she learned an important lesson.

Now where are the videos about the boys involved?

But I’m digressing.

As a child, I’d been given every kind of luxury I could imagine – education from the best of the best institutions that we could afford. Allowances. A car. That extra cable package so I could watch Doctor Who on TV. A laptop for school, a tablet for school, any YA book I fancy at the time. I’ve had just to express a suggestion or a passing desire. Just utter a wish and immediately (or almost immediately) I’d get it.

As a child, I’d also been punished for just about every wrong I’d done. I’d gotten licks with dabla, broomstick, belt, shoes, newspaper, whatever. So have my sister and brother after me. I’m writing this, not because I’m expressing how horrible my parents are. Quite the contrary. Each of us had gotten licks at the hands of our parents, only when they’d reached the end of their ropes. We’d gotten the belt only when talking would no longer help rectify the circumstances of our stubborn childishness and teenaged belligerence.

And I think we’re better off for it. Not saying we’re perfect. Hardly. Even now, my brother and I get into fights. Even now I constantly make mistakes and act in very childish ways. But the lessons instilled in me by my mother’s (and father’s) efforts and heavy hand over the years have stuck with me.

I’d gotten licks, a few, wellgood cuttails.

And I’m not dead. I’m not traumatised. I know right from wrong. I think for myself, and (for the most part) I think before I act and speak. I’m open to criticism and take advice (even if grudgingly) about parts of my character that need help.

I’ve become a well-rounded person, even with all of that.

So, really, I can only talk about my own personal experiences. But I can say there are merits in giving your children a lash when they do wrong. It’s not the only method, but it’s rather effective. A child’s actions have consequences, they have to learn that. Do good, you will be rewarded, do wrong, you will be punished, according to the severity of the act.

Banning such punishment in the home can only harm the society that aims for it. The basis of a good society begins at home, with its morals and punishments and all. And if the punishments are gone, where does that leave the future of Trinbagonian society?

For more info on this whole incident I’m adding the following links
http://www.trinidadexpress.com/news/Mom-in-Facebook-beating-I-didnt-abuse-her-256633801.html?m=y&smobile=y
http://www.guardian.co.tt/news/2014-04-24/girl-facebook-beating-apologises-mom-i-know-you-love-me-dearly
http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2014/04/27/video-of-mum-belting-daughter-for-sending-sexually-explicit-texts-viral/

– K. ~

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