Remember that old Blog you had when you were 12-18?

I forgot mine. Then found it today. Thank God, I deleted it today. Not because of anything bad in particular, it was actually quite innocent, considering I was 18 when I started it – most 18 year old girls in 2008 weren’t all that innocent, to say the least. Me, on the other hand, can be quite socially oblivious, which tends to translate as innocence. Or is it the other way around?…

Well, I did delete it because, 1) It had been like….6 years? since I actually visited the page, or paid it any attention, 2) because, it’s like looking at your younger sibling (who happens to be you) and go, “Oh, honey…” a lot, while trying to keep a straight face. I sigh so hard at the fact.

It’s not like the time me and a friend were looking at her old stuff and feeling like we were looking at the belongings of a dead person, days after her funeral. That was majorly creepy. And sad. And just out of body.

But before I deleted it, I admit it was good for me to read those 5 posts total. It makes you realise where you were six years ago, and recognise how far you’ve come since then, even in something as trivial and minor as your blogging style. It shows me that I have come a long way, and I’m not a different person, just an updated one (bad technology humor), a better one. Or at least a more developed one.

Now I’ve graduated from University, I’m inching into the working world, I’m trying my hand at business while acquiring skills for the workplace and at home. I’m actually getting back into religion, something I was so all over the place about, from denying it, to twisting it, to trying to see how it works, to finding examples of all of these. I’ve made friends, I’ve lost friends, I’ve realised the strength of other friendships.

I’ve come a long way since. Wonder where I’ll be in the next 6 years?

Childhood Pregnancies – Reflecting Majority Apathy about Child Sexual Abuse.

At the time of drafting this article, my brother showed me and my mother, earlier on the way home, a bizarre article headline, I’m assuming from the Trinidad and Tobago Express, about a girl getting pregnant by a 32 year old man shortly after or around the time of the SEA exam.

For those who don’t know, aka readers who aren’t Trini or Tobagonian, that’s the exam to sort primary school students into secondary school. So it’s safe to say she’s anywhere between 10 and 13, given the curve. Most SEA students are 11 and 12, and for a girl that young, that’s pretty early on in her menstruation life. So more than a little harrowing, yeah?

It was bizarre to me, and sad. Now, she has options, yes, but none seem conducive to leading a normal life to me. Abortion – what ifs, and immediate physical risks to one so young. To begin with. Adoption – yes, but she could miss the chance to enter the first year of secondary school with the rest of her year, if she’s allowed to (because Trinidad is still behind on things like this). Raising the child, with help sure, but she’s barely out of primary school, sooooo not ready for that life.

Granted that’s me assuming things, I admit that I didn’t find the article, myself. So I’m entering the fiction world here.

But while I don’t know the facts about that story, I did stumble upon other stories like that in this dear country of mine. Don’t get me wrong. While I’m not gonna declare myself the most patriotic of Trinis, I have to say I can’t just abandon it. Travelling and surviving in foreign has only so much appeal. So it bothers me when things like this come to light, in a place where I choose to call my home base.

I found two other stories. One was about a 17 year old, mother of two, who was arrested for public indecency at Carnival. (Which means it had to be lewd for her to be arrested for that.) During the trial, it was revealed that her firstborn was a result of rape around the time of her writing the SEA exam. The second was just as bad. During this girl’s Standard five year, she was raped by the father of her sister’s child, and threatened to keep quiet. She didn’t know she was pregnant until five months into the pregnancy. That was in January. She’s due to give birth this month, May, while the rest of her class would have been writing the exam (it’s been over for a while, not sure about the baby and its [soon to be] 12 year old mother)

What’s even sadder is that these cases are old and had hardly been circulated. The first 4-5 years old, the second just 2013-14 -the article came out January this year. A follow up article in February revealed that she was willing to give up the child for adoption. Which is good, and good too, that her family and the Ministry of the People’s Family Services Unit are all supporting her.

What’s been done to stop this in Trinidad and Tobago? Not just hear about it, but to prevent it from happening at all? The fact that I have to ask at all makes it worse. I seem to reflect the apathy that plagues us all.

– K. ~

Ruth and Naomi – Mother, Daughter, Colleagues, Friends.

So I have been given the task of finding a poem or something pertaining to mothers, since it’s Mother’s May,  where everyone continues to take advantage, and you can get anything in the name of mothers, whether commercially, in the home, of even spiritually – themed sermons are classic – never passée.

Still, while I was instructed initially to find things on Esther, that was, well, not for me to do. Turns out I had more time, to find something on someone else. (Because, hey, we have a theme going on, look for that) So, Ruth and Naomi and that hallmark of a mother-in-law/ daughter-in-law relationship.

My problem stems firstly with my need to stick to the theme of the week, and my desire not to (read: fear of) upstage (ing) the speaker of the night with my own analysis (hardly a sermon, I’d just be speaking from basically a student’s point of view)

While it’s really easy to find a simple poem on Esther to read and move on with life, the relationship between Ruth and Naomi is special, and cannot be competently expressed in cheesy vocabulary and a lilting rhythm.

That’s not to say we don’t get complex ideas and traits from Esther’s story.

But Ruth and Naomi’s relationship is blatantly so. Their relationship was forged by marriage of the latter’s son to the former. It was hardened by the loss of a husband and a son in the same person. It was developed from simply a mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship to a mother/daughter relationship, colleagues, friends, even co-conspirators. They never forgot their initial roles, but they treated each other with respect according to these acquired roles, and yet recognized that there was more that one facet to their relationship.

A mother/daughter relationship forged through circumstance can be just as strong as those formed in the womb. Not to say that there would be no conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, (like I’d know, lack of a bf means that a mil would be a far off thing for me) but it’s true that while your husband leaves his father’s house, so must a wife leave her birth home. In the same way that his family becomes hers, so do hers become his. Each party gains a mother and a father, and respect must be given to them as they expect respect to be given to their own.

That’s what Ruth does, even as Naomi attempts to break that bond for, as she sees it, the sake of her sons’ widows.

Naomi showed caring for her two daughters-in-law, in attempting to send them back to their homelands. Ruth showed loyalty to Naomi by vowing to stay with her, and maintaining the relationship of mother and daughter (though by marriage) that they shared until the point of the death of Naomi’s sons. We see that they are colleagues by circumstance in the deaths of their husbands. We see their friendship in that they stuck together through everything. Naomi’s caring for Ruth continued when she came up with the plan to get Boaz as Ruth’s kinship redeemer. We see Ruth’s recognition of Naomi’s authority as the elder of the two, and her trust in Naomi’s plan.

We see how obedience and trust in the experiences of elders can help prosper us. We see how mutual patience and caring for others opens doors and opportunity for us. We see the encouragement daughters can give to their mothers in times of difficulty, and we know that the reverse is possible.

We see the good in having relationships with mothers, with either our own birth mothers, or with those forged through marriage, or other circumstances.

There are bajillions of themes found in the relationship between these two. These are just a few, but I think relevant ones in the terms of mothers and Mother’s May.

– K. ~

Question!!!!!

Other Christians out there, I have a question for you – Do you feel a sense of urgency and a nearing of a Reckoning? Lemme try to put it in less apocalyptic terms…. Are more biblical themes and Words coming to your minds? Are they coming to you in normal, everyday situations? Are they seemingly a bit more persistent? Is Jesus’ second coming becoming more prevalent? Is it like God is pushing you and telling you Go! Get out and do something! not in a super – parental, teenager-needs-to-get-out-of-the-house sort of way. More like, I gave you a mission, quit slacking off.

Like, I can’t really explain why, or how, or if it’s really that, or if I’m just reading too much into the topics on my mind these days – which, as you can see of late does tend toward the biblical, even if the articles I’m coming up with seem small-minded and super-ignorant (I admit, I’m a nOOb at  this, spiritually speaking, very little EXP).

I mean, the fact that my articles include the biblical. Even last year, writing these would be a thought, and never acted on. Now look at me.

But as of late, it does seem more persistent. More urgent. Honestly, more like our Days are coming to a close. And it seems it’s not just me. I’ve only heard one or two stories from church, but it seems like everyone who’s recounted their experiences, the conclusion, whether as a veteran of the church and its teachings, or young impressionable Christians (like in my case), it’s gonna happen soon. Not to mention that both Christian radio stations we listen to feel the need, even in passing, to mention Jesus’ second coming and to get ourselves right with God. Even non-believers are picking up on it.

Has anybody else felt this way as of late?

Love DEMANDS!

lovehappinessandpeace

Here I am, a Man of the Cloth, who is Not supposed to Delve into, or At least Not supposed to become Too concerned with, politics or World affairs, and yet who regularly and assiduously writes on these subjects!

If You ask me, I would like to go on a LONG holiday, or at least just Sleep for a few DAYS! In 4 months and 2 days today, I have published 122 posts in WordPress, besides numerous writings on Facebook and Twitter. I had done something just like that earlier in Blogger. 66 Years old, a Heart Patient, Bone Tired, having Bad Habits like Watching Cricket upto Midnight, (The IPL is On!), getting up Regularly at 5 AM, and things like these would say that I should just Sit Back and Relax like any Sensible Retiree. Hate to write such things about myself. But let it be for just this…

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The death of Dana Seetahal – High profilers and Regular Joes in Society

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So, since the murder of Dana Seetahal on Sunday, naturally, the country is all up in a frenzy. Which is understandable. She was a state prosecutor, working to put away the criminals that walk the streets of Trinidad and Tobago.

And, of course, whenever a high personality is killed, the country is spilt into two (which is funny because we’re two islands….) Well, in a more serious way – philosophically, morally, socially, whichever one, take your pick.

Some say that it’s only because she’s a high profiler that people care about someone apparently executed military-style. Others say that she did what she did for the good of her country, so quit brushing her efforts off as if she was nothing. Her death would affect the country more than the death of the piper down the road.

But the way I see it, it’s not just good high profilers that get killed. It’s not just drug addicts and pipers that die. High rollers can be corrupt and be killed for their actions, as Seetahal was. Regular people, low down in the social ladder, can die as well, in much the same way.

High rollers can leave a good or a bad mark on the society of the country. Regular people, the non-stush people can leave a good or a bad mark too.

But which ones do the country recognise when a person is executed?

It’s true that Dana Seetahal’s efforts did help the move toward a better Trinidad and Tobago. But it could also be true that Tantie Merle changed the lives of Susie and Boyo when she drove them to school everyday. Her efforts also helped the country. Susie and Boyo got a good education, which led to Susie becoming a teacher, and Boyo working as a lawyer.

But if the same thing happened to Merle, would we even know her name?

So it’s sad that Dana died, and it is true that the country will feel her loss, and it’s good that we’re looking into the case to resolve this vicious crime. But it’s also true that we need to recognise, and care and do more, to resolve the murders of the regular Joe. Their efforts are just as important as the efforts of the high profilers of the country to its betterment.

The same indignation we show to the higher ups in society, we need to show for those lower down in society. And we really don’t. So can you really blame the people for thinking that the only reason we care about the execution of a person is when they have social positions?

– K. ~

Is there something in Dreams?

I had two dreams the other night. It’s been a few days since the actual thing, so lots of details are somewhat fuzzy or lost.

I had gone to some supercool amusement park with a few of my friends. Some I hadn’t talked to in years, and others, we keep in touch once in a while. Beside the point. This bit of reality aside, I continue. Of course, being an amusement park, it’s really crowded, since it’s a weekend/holiday. Eventually, we head to the Space-Needle themed Tilt-a-Whirl, and luckily we’re the first ones inside. I and some of them walk around a bit, one or two friends strap in ready to go and get going for the other rides. Suddenly, the ride starts up, without warning, and we who didn’t strap in fell. Duh. What shook me, (in reality, not the dream so much) was that we all either wore black or white, something I hadn’t noticed before. Those who were wearing black – those who, like me, weren’t strapped in, fell off the ride. The force of the ride had flung them off. I tried to save one. Looking back, he was decked out in black, and looked sort of evil. He slipped away from me. It was then that I noticed our clothes. Those left on the ride, strapped in or not, were all wearing white, myself included.

Of course then, I wake up, minutes before my alarms.

And of course, being me which equates to my laziness I fell back asleep

This is the one that gets somewhat fuzzy.

I have no idea why exactly, or where we are, but it’s for some ceremony. I thought it was for a wedding. It was a sacrifice, I remember someone saying. Everyone we knew was there, looking ready for a funeral. All sombre and sad-looking. It was between my brother and me. One of us had to be chosen, as would be determined by the ceremony that day and the sacrifice would follow right after. I was wearing my off-white lace dress (although it looked seriously white in the dream). My brother wore a bleached white shirt, a black tie and black dress pants. We were shuttled off into different waiting rooms. I went to a bathroom.

I was there a good while, got bored and started fiddling with my make-up. A few people came in, wearing red or black. I remember one of my aunts telling me what a good thing I was doing, although she looked pained. This happened a few other times.

My parents were nowhere to be found.

I just sat there in the bathroom. Waiting. Getting distracted. Sat in a stall and took off my dress so I wouldn’t sweat and mess it up. Put it back on when people came in.

Eventually I left the bathroom to follow some petty distraction.

It was near the end of the dream I realised that no one who was at the ceremony was there after it ended and I couldn’t find my brother anywhere.

0o0o0

Bringing up the question in the title, is there something in Dreams? Dreams could be interpreted according to the influence of things in your everyday life, of things that you did immediately before you sleep, of things on your mind. And the people as well.

Some people insist that dreams and dream interpretation are a life-changing thing, determining their days, their lives, whatever. And there is some truth to this. Even in the Bible. Joseph had his own dreams of stalks of wheat bowing to ( obviously the most important) one. He rightly interpreted the famine that would face Egypt while he was there and advised the Pharaoh against it. Peter had a vision, three days it recurred, explaining the good in including Gentiles among the followers of Jesus.

So yeah, I believe there is something to dreams, but I don’t usually dwell on the meanings. Just on the level of reaction that I have when I wake up.

But something about these dreams. In my dreams. Maybe also in the order they happened too.

These, coupled with the insistence of going out and talking to people and my need to discuss social issues that we face today, and the sense of urgency my mother is feeling about the End of Days, I could be reading into it too much – quite possibly, it seems as if something is happening and it’s happening now. I usually brush it off whenever my mother says anything about the second coming of Christ, but I feel that I agree with her.

Humour me. Most of you have already closed this off, and I don’t doubt why – I’m not the best writer in the world – Never gonna get a publishing/editorial job (haha, no, I know why, just, please – …)

It’s going to happen. Jesus is gonna come back. We dunno the day or the time. We could only be ready for it. We have to be strapped in and ready for the ride. Those not ready will have to be ready to face the fallout. There will be death. There will be suffering. Famine, disease, the whole enchilada.

There will be trials and tribulations. It will be torture. But even then, we have a chance at escaping death and gaining  everlasting life. So while there is a chance. While we have the time now. Start preparing. God is coming. What’s your position? Where do you stand with God now?

For, for now, we have Grace. He paid the price that we deserve. He took the role of barrier against the consequences of our actions as pathetic, sinful humans. We go about being distracted by the world and everything that it offers – good and bad. And we forget even what was going on/what went on. Even though we are sometimes willing to pay the price ourselves, because that’s all we could do -Parents can’t do much else at that point; We have to answer for ourselves – it’s already been done for us.

And the fact that it was my brother (whose shirt is white, while my dress is just an off-white color) sacrificed in my place, it resonates with me because the bible says we are joint heirs with Jesus – so he’s essentially my brother. Or he becomes our brother when we accept him. And I knew I was supposed to die in the dream. Everyone knew. Yet I, with my not-so-pure-as-snow dress, was given life instead of  my brother with the pure white shirt.

It was that sacrifice, and that choice, and that grace that I’d received, that allowed me to move on, to live on, and get out and be distracted by things apart from the original setting of the dream, yet, it was the realisation and remembrance of the original dream that brought me back to it even as I woke up the next morning.

I think that’s what we have to remember. And meditate on. And thank God for.

It may just be a dream, but it had a message for me, and I choose to share it with as many of you who would read it. It’s scary, even for me, who honestly never thought that something like this could happen. To me. Because I’m far from spiritually competent. But if God chooses to use me to warn, and bless, why not? Far be it from me to question it.