Nearing the one month mark

I’m that much closer to working an entire month here, at a place that positively gave me hell from day one. Now, at this point, with a total of two good days, in a row, I’ve come to the conclusion that I really shouldn’t count my eggs before they’re hatched. But I’m still hopeful. And prayerful.

From the first week where I was stopped from sharing the Gospel  (through sticky notes believe it or not; I couldn’t leave my desk) and then two weeks of professional torture, that more times than not, resulted in my crying (and one time in the bathroom) for my own inadequacies, and pure desperation for God’s help and deliverance (at that point I prayed for improvement on the job or termination, I couldn’t handle it)

Still, through prayer, speaking His promises to us, reading His Word, and support from friends and family, and even from God Himself, I’m sure, because for those three weeks where everything was BAD, songs that encourage me, and sermons and testimonies just seemed directed at me. (I’m actually tearing up now, looking back)

It’s a new season in my life. It’s my first official job with real world salaries. It’s difficult and my natural self half regrets my decision to take it. Still, I know that God is with me. I know that I’m covered by the blood, and I know that if God didn’t think I could handle this – cuz it’s really Him that makes that decision – I wouldn’t have been offered the position in the first place.

So I make this my prayer:

Lord God, I know you are my God. I acknowledge that you are the creator of all, and thank you for all that you have given me. I acknowledge the sacrifice you had in mind and made when you sent your Son, Jesus Christ, to die for my sins. I thank you for that, knowing too, that that simple expression of thanks in itself isn’t enough.

Lord, I thank you for this opportunity, because good or bad it will only benefit me, and the experiences gotten will be used to serve you and your kingdom.

Holy Spirit, cover me and saturate me with your presence. Be a fount of peace, comfort, strength, guidance, patience, energy, productivity, progression and learning in the office today, Let me be sensitive to your voice and guiding hand, so that I will obey. I bind frustration, confusion, misunderstanding, technical difficulties, all physical and spiritual obstacles today, and ask for help in overcoming them. These things I speak into the lives of my friends and family.

Lord Jesus, I confess that you are Lord, Son  of God made flesh to die for my sins. You suffered, so that I may live. You understand suffering. Lord Jesus, I pray that you cover the office, cover our workplaces and schools with your blood, and purify them. Help us to overcome obstacles and see us though the other side of our suffering and pain. Lord cleanse me, and come into my heart so that I may draw nearer to you.

Lord God, I believe that you will be by my side today. I have faith that you will take me through today, and help me overcome. I give you praise and thanks for all that you have done, and seen me through, and for all that you have yet to do. I pray that I will continue to praise you in all trials and failures.

I pray that those who read this will be encouraged, knowing and hearing testimonies of your power, strength, faithfulness and love in our lives. Your grace is sufficient for me, even through this time.

These things I ask in your name, Lord Jesus.



Bit of encouragement for today or for the rest of the week:

Luke 1: 37, 45-55
For nothing will be impossible with God.” And blessed is she who believed that what was spoken to her by the Lord would be fulfilled.”

And Mary said,

“My soul exalts the Lord,

and my spirit has begun to rejoice in God my Saviour,

because he has looked upon the humble state of his servant.

For from now on all generations will call me blessed,

because he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name;

from generation to generation he is merciful to those who fear him.

He has demonstrated power with his arm; he has scattered those whose pride wells up from the sheer arrogance of their hearts.

He has brought down the mighty from their thrones, and has lifted up those of lowly position;

he has filled the hungry with good things, and has sent the rich away empty.

He has helped his servant Israel, remembering his mercy,

as he promised to our ancestors, to Abraham and to his descendants forever.”


The year is almost up, and things have been happening and it’s almost terrifying.

That’s my title and I’m sticking with it.

Don’t get me wrong. In terms of events/incidents of the year, it could have been worse.  Or could have been better. Or could have stood still. Or could have just not been. That final option could make anyone think.

So from optimistic, to pessimistic, to scary, to revelation.

But what exactly am I posting about here? In short, a little throwback and commentary on my year so far. Because things have been happening and as thrilling as it is, it’s also so bloody terrifying. For someone who doesn’t do well with major changes, who gets physically ill at the thought of new things and things failing so miserably that I’d probably never be able to cope- yeah, terrifying.

But positive strides have been made this year, in terms of personal, academic and professional growth. I’ve organised trips and parties and have them successfully completed. I’ve learned new skills that I’ve really been meaning to for a while. I’ve lost a few friends, but found myself in my beliefs, and made friends too. I’ve reconnected with old friends and realised how isolated I’d kept myself up to this point, and just how badly that’s been affecting me. I’ve been pushed outside my comfort zones, and even though the thought of failure still gets me ill, people have seen changes in me for the better. I’m making an effort to be social. I’m adapting to balancing work and school. For once I’m thinking about my future without forcing myself to think about it as still distant.

And yet, terrifying. What if I cut off friends that I need later, or who may need me? What if I fail in school? What if my work suffers because of my mistakes? How would that affect jobs later? Have I missed opportunities? What about those I’ve already missed? Life is passing and I’m stuck trailing. I’m being social, but it feels like I’m compensating. Why couldn’t I stay where I was? I slept through the night without an upset stomach and thoughts of an ulcer gnawing away at my insides before. Facebook feeds of boyfriends, girlfriends, weddings and spouses, and children don’t help. Neither do dreams. All in all, it’s far from pleasant. Talk about taking the good with the bad.

I’m trying to keep my head up. It’s been a good year, all things considered. And, in Jesus’ name, I know it will end on a good note for me, and I’ll be better for my experiences.

Still I won’t lie – these days I feel like a need more than belief. I feel like I need somewhere to hide.


Mark 4: 40
And he said to them, “Why are you cowardly? Do you still not have faith?”

Deuteronomy 3: 22
Do not be afraid of them, for the Lord your God will personally fight for you.”

Proverbs 3: 24
When you lie down you will not be filled with fear;
when you lie down your sleep will be pleasant.

Psalms 31: 5
Into your hand I entrust my life;
you will rescue me, O Lord, the faithful God.

Psalms 42: 5
Why are you depressed, O my soul?
Why are you upset?
Wait for God!
For I will again give thanks
to my God for his saving intervention.

Isaiah 33: 2
Lord, be merciful to us! We wait for you.
Give us strength each morning!
Deliver us when distress comes.

Isaiah 25: 9
At that time they will say,
“Look, here is our God!
We waited for him and he delivered us.
Here is the Lord! We waited for him.
Let’s rejoice and celebrate his deliverance!”